maybe if you read my blog youd know we’re okay as we both cry in this car in silence // please dont read this if you are squeamish!!!! i am not evil but i have bad thoughts, too!!

but you dont read my blog.

and thats cool cool cool —

i only want people

reading who want

to read.

you dont have to read,

and i guess you can

ask why i need

eyebrow razors????

seriously????

seriously????

if i wanted to kill myself/

cut myself —

if i really wanted to cut,

then i wouldnt need

EYEBROW RAZORS??

IS THAT A JOKE??

LOOK AT THE

CURRENT STATE OF MY EYEBROWS

AND TELL ME I DONT NEED

EYEBROW FUCKING

RAZORS??   ???

if i rlly wanted to cut —

if i REALLY WANTED TO —

then id

grow

out

my

fingernails

super long

even though people think i bite my nails bc of my anxiety, which, i guess i do, too, but i just like biting my nails and i like the look of bitten nails and its kindof just a hobby of mine i guess in a fucked up way and my mom hates it so

id grow

out my

fingernails

super long

and go outside

and sharpen

my pinky nail

on the pavement

and

when it was

sharp

enough id

tenderly

pull up the shorts you bought me yesterday

and pierce

and

puncture

my

soft,

freckled

and scarred

and tanned

thighs and

id slide my nail

under my skin and id

feel around

for a big, thick

bone

and id

fist the

rest of my hand

into the now

corpse of

my thick

thighs

and

id

use my other leg

as leverage

(legerage)

to rip that bone out of that thigh

and id stand on one leg

bleeding and fearless

and in rage

and id

use the

end of that leg bone —

the shards of it —

to

d e f i l e

and dig and

burrow

and mash

AND SMEAR

a hole in my chest

where my heart

is

and i’d

square up and

breathe in deeply and id grab onto my leg bone in my chest with both hands and id just fucking

go bananas and id

pull down

HARD —

with all my

strength, and i’d

grit my

teeth

and

bear it

and id

rake

my bone shards down my chest cavity

and id look in the mirror

smiling

at what i had done

and id take some of my pretty,

pretty blood and id smear it on

my lips like lipstick and id call

the shade

‘eyebrow raxors’

and id continue on —

living in the trenches

of this beautiful but now mutilated body

that you created but

i destroyed.

and then

id get out a nice tulip glass,

say, 10 ounces?

12 ounces?

i cant think anymore bc all my blood spilled out, so ill just grab the pretty one w elephants on it and

i’d hold it close to me —

but not too tight!!

wouldnt want it to shatter —

and id hold it to my lips

and id cross my

leg

and id sip

my

sweet

naked

nectar.

\\\\\\

you can ask,

sure — thats

your prerogative, i guess

but, wow.

i guess

i just didnt realize that

you

dont

trust

me.

///

to be alone?

at all?

///

youre the one who gave me

these bushy brows to begin

with.

eyebrow razors

save

the

world.

\\\\

and i dont even know if youre

crying bc im sure as hell

not looking up. to

see. im never

embarrassed

to cry openly —

im not.

im

never

embarrassed

of myself.

i swear it.

but right now?

im fucking.

pissed. the.

fuck. off, and

you dont want

to see me — thats

for sure

for sure

for sure/

no doubt.

///

maybe if you read my blog youd know we’re okay as we both cry in this car in silence // please dont read this if you are squeamish!!!! i am not evil but i have bad thoughts, too!!

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