man i just wanna love my body why is it so hard for me // im tired of hating pieces of myself — its so, so much wasted energy. but its also piles of baggage and disordered thinking. and itll take time. and thats okay. and im okay. and this run was okay.

https://open.spotify.com/track/6c54HhGqvxlLavDsDzyLiw?si=1yBOS8h3SvuLHrKWpTMmhg

man i just wanna love my body why is it so hard for me // im tired of hating pieces of myself — its so, so much wasted energy. but its also piles of baggage and disordered thinking. and itll take time. and thats okay. and im okay. and this run was okay.

i woke up choking —

i woke up choking —

blindly trudging

through short,

temperamental breaths

‘i know i can’t count on,’

tip-toeing; trying to

take control —

tripping —

getting swept up

into the current of

the next swath of safety —

a promise of sanctuary? harmony?

a warm swell filling me whole —

feeling like home: a deep

breath, finally! until

suddenly —

slipping —

my swaddling

is cut short with a

sting

so clinical

im left gasping —

my mouth gaping

in awe and in horror;

wondering how something

inside me could be

so cynical.

im alone, now,

hollow and still

yearning for security —

wishing i could soak up the

sweet, sun-dried nectar

that has gone

stale and

left in its

place a cavity —

an empty cavity

‘i know i can count on.’

my only certainty

is cyclical.

/

im alone, now,

again,

and i cant breathe.

i woke up choking —