Im not sure why i need to be validated. Like i know im funny and i think im funny and those who love me know im funny so why do i force it down peoples throats that im funny? I think it takes away from it.
Month: May 2016
Shows i’m watching now
They’re all good, even the second time (I’m looking at you, Grey’s).
Check them out, and let me know what you think!
tattoos & “that’s a bad idea”s
My mom hates tattoos. No, my mom HATES tattoos.
Before I went to college, my mom said that if I ever get a tattoo then she’s not giving me any money for school.
I called her bluff, and I now have three. I love my mom very much and we agree on a lot of things, but I don’t quite fucking understand the generational misunderstanding of tattoos.
My mom thinks tattoos are “defiling the body God gave you” and if you have one then you’ll “never get a job.” I think tattoos are awesome, and I want to share my view on them.
I’ve always liked standing out, whether it be saying something something borderline inappropriate for the situation or thinking out of the box, and as I’ve grown into my twenties, I’ve enjoyed making my physical looks stand out, too.
With a septum piercing, normal nose piercing, pierced nipples, a tattoo down my neck and the side of my head shaved, I toe the line of not being stared at in church (though I definitely would be stared at if they saw my nipples…because it’s church). I like the way I look and I’m careful about where I get tattoos and what I get pierced because I agree with my mom that there is a line, but I also think the body is an amazing piece for self expression.
I have this theory that people are born with tattoos already on their skin. God knows who you are at your core (whether you’re a drunk idiot who will eventually get a grilled cheese on your ass or you’re a cancer survivor who will eventually get a blue ribbon on your arm), and he paints you how he feels is most “you.”
Call me stupid (do it, I dare you, punk), but I genuinely think that when someone gets a tattoo, it was on his or her skin all along and the tattoo guy (OR GIRL, SHEESH) just uncovered it. Obviously I know this isn’t how it works, but it’s nice to think about it.
My main point here is your body is this amazing, beautiful, perfect masterpiece and it’s yours to do with it what you want. I think your body should be just as bold as your personality, and no one should be scared to look the way he or she wants to.
SO stand out and try new things, and get friends who will tell you that those new things look horrible, but also respect your mom because she’s so important.
these are my best friends
If you were ever wondering what kind of people I have out with, then here you go. And if you never were, then also here you go I don’t care.
Victoria is my best friend (period), and she’s from home. We went to high school together, and she’s my rock. We have matching tattoos on our wrists because we’ll be together forever. She’s kind and selfless and hilarious and beautiful – she’s the perfect woman, and she makes me feel alive. She also has a huge butt.
Leah is my other best friend (period), and she’s also my roommate. She’s the same as I am in some ways, but opposite me in others. She’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met (which is like me, obviously), and she has a hard outer shell (she’s not overly sensitive like I am, so it’s a nice balance. I do accidentally hurt her feelings sometimes, though, because I’m an asshole. Sorry, Leah, I love you). She can be scary, but she somehow knows exactly how and when to comfort me (and when to tell me to shut the fuck up), and she can make me feel better in seconds. She can also drink like a fucking champ.
Phoebe (or “Phoebs”) is in pretty much all my classes, and she’s my best friend in our major. She’s selfless and hardworking, so she’ll help you when you need it, but she’ll also kick your ass. She’s funny in her own way, and she says things without thinking, which is awesome and also sometimes very offensive. She wants to transfer, and I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. She also hates being called “Phoebster.”
Natalie is very close to my heart and keeps me on the right track. She’s hardworking, cares more about her friends than anyone I’ve ever met, and she would do anything for anyone. I don’t get to see her too much because she’s so busy, but she sometimes forces me to work out and I hate her for it. She also has the best family.
Johnny J is one of my favorite people. JJ is a total dickhole sometimes and won’t talk to me for weeks on end, but he’s honest and isn’t afraid tell the truth. He’s completely brilliant, and so goddamn respectful of everyone around him. He’s going to be an incredibly successful person, and he has no idea. He also used to be my boyfriend.
Kelsey is another one of my favorite people. Kelsey is one of the most transparently blunt people I have ever encountered, and it’s (sometimes frustratingly) amazing. She knows what she likes and she knows what she wants, and that’s that – don’t try to change her mind. Kelsey is very in tune with people and genuinely cares about whether or not they’re comfortable in any given situation. She cares so much about her friends and they’re what brings her happiness, along with traveling and nature, especially sunsets. She also has really cute feet.
Katie is quickly becoming one of my close friends, and she’s my future roommate. Katie loves to be around good people, and she has a superpower for reading whether someone is good or not – she’s not afraid to deem someone “irrelevant” if he or she is not a good person. Katie is aggressive when she needs to be, and heartwarmingly compassionate when she wants to be. She works hard and makes a lot of lists, but she also knows how and when to let go and drink a beer in her hammock. She also honks like a goose when she laughs really hard.
Hoon is one of the first people I met in college, and I can always count on him to be there for me. He’s one of the most reliable people, and he has a habit of putting others’ needs ahead of his. Hoon is hilariously quirky, and he drinks too much. He has to go serve in the Korean military for two years next week, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see him again. He also eats a lot of bread.
swingsets & some talks about the future
I’m sure there’s a movie about some girl going off to college and she has one last great night with her high school friends before she says goodbye, right? I’m assuming there’s a movie out there like this, but I don’t really watch movies, so I can only assume here.
To find out if there is a movie, I typed “movie about girl go to college” into Google, and came up with this list , which the first suggestion is Mean Girls and that’s totally not the vibe i’m going here. The search also came up with The To Do List, which, for the record, is one of the very few movies I’ve seen and it just happens to be one of my favorites (along with Crazy, Stupid, Love., Easy A, and Eat Pray Love, if that gives you a glance into how few movies I watch), but, again, it isn’t the right vibe.
I don’t know a movie to describe the vibe, so I guess I’ll have to.
It was a few nights before I was leaving for college. Half my friends were somewhere crying about how much they’ll miss everyone, and the other half were so high they couldn’t think (in an effort not to cry about how much they’ll miss everyone). All of my friends from high school were guys, just so you know.
At the end of the night, three of my very closest friends and I were sitting on the swings talking about the future. I distinctly remember thinking that the four of us could have been in a movie because we were so hopelessly cliché, and I like thinking about stuff like that.
My friend Alec was going on and on about how we would never have “this” moment again – how we would never be exactly the same people we were in that moment. I knew he was right because everyone grows and changes and it’s inevitable, but also I couldn’t help but think that somehow I was above that and that I would maintain who I was through my first year of college.
“Don’t ever be satisfied with your growth in this world.”
Now, I know this sounds so vain, but you have to understand that I really thought I knew myself in high school. I, like everyone else, probably, thought I had it all figured out. I thought I was already pretty much my best self and I’d get a little smarter, but for the most part, I already had everything I needed to be successful in what I wanted to do in life.
I was wrong, but you already knew that.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how wise Alec was that night. There I was, thinking I was the mature one and that I had everything figured out, when really Alec had a better grasp on reality – he wasn’t fooling himself like I was.
My two other friends who were apart of that conversation that night are both in frats now. They drink every night and post ‘grams with a different girl every weekend. They don’t talk to me much anymore, and to be honest I’m not at all heartbroken over it – we’ve gone down very different paths, but I kind of knew that was going to happen.
“Yes, you always want to be improving, but keeping your core person strong and healthy is just as important.”
Alec, on the other hand, is still the same old Alec. I really hope people say that about me when I go home because I was awesome then and I think I’m still pretty awesome (oh, come on. I’m allowed to be confident.)
I think there are a few lessons here. You didn’t think I was just telling you a nice little story about me and some guys on swings, did you? Of course there’s a lesson.
For one, don’t ever be satisfied with your growth in this world. You should always be striving to be better and smarter and different – that’s the point. I think that was the most naive thing I’ve ever thought.
Secondly, wanting to maintain the person you are right now is one of the most beautiful gifts in this life. I know I’m kind of contradicting myself after my last point, but hear me out. Liking the person you are – your quirks and personality and values – is one huge step to happiness. Yes, you always want to be improving, but keeping that core strong and healthy is just as important.
Thanks, Alec. You’re (still) the man.
here’s a new playlist to check out
For this roller coaster ride of songs, expect to sit through calming synths and prepare to be taken by the throat by electronic beats.
Usually my playlists have a cohesive vibe, but this one is just how the week is going.
Check it out if you’d like, and, as always, ignore it if you are for some reason offended by this music.
college & cries for help
My roommate walked in to my apartment the other day and said “I crossed Briggs (a street on campus), and genuinely wanted to get hit, ‘cuz then I wouldn’t have to finish this lab notebook, like, kill me now…”
I laughed, and she went into her room to nap instead of do her lab notebook, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some part of her that actually would rather get hit by a car than do her schoolwork.
I’ve seen a lot of posts on Twitter and Tumblr saying similar things, and I get that it’s a joke and those people probably don’t want to be run over or shot in the face or something, but it’s the principle of it – students, on some level, would rather be dead than suffer through school.
“I crossed Briggs (a street on campus), and genuinely wanted to get hit, ‘cuz then I wouldn’t have to finish this lab notebook, like, kill me now…”
College has always been hard and stressful, but according to Psychology Today, students’ stress levels are higher than ever. One article even compares students’ stress to that of a insane asylum patient in the 1950s.
I’m not going to rant about how I think college is unreasonably stressful sometimes, and I’m not going to complain, either, because that’s gonna do jack shit, but I think it’s worth noting that our generation – the one that’s, like, supposed to be leading the world soon or whatever? – is fucking struggling, and we need help.
If students would rather be dead than do their lab notebooks and students don’t have time to blog or hammock or whatever else they enjoy doing because they’re so swamped with schoolwork, then some changes need to be made. Our society needs to re-priotitize what’s important, and I don’t know about you, but one’s happiness is a lot more important than forcing students to bullshit a lab notebook for no reason. (Prof. Francis, if you’re reading this, Leah isn’t gaining anything from doing her lab notebook. Maybe give her a break?)