i jump from

“why would they want me”

to

“theyre lucky to have me”

in about 24 seconds

and i think

thats

why

my head

hurts so much

//

low and slow, baby.

low and slow.

//

ugh

eee!!

i bob with my breath;

the clouds brush the sky

softly in front of me —

splayed out

like

my legs

spread open —

im spinning,

slowly.

my arms

stretched but

not reaching/

my gaze

fixed

steadily

forward/

my face

slack,

unsaturated/

passively staring —

im pushed

gently

in a new direction,

swaying,

water splashing

at the nape

of my

neck —

i am unphased.

i remain staring,

starting to wonder

if i’ll ever care

enough to

turn

my

head

and see

what im drifting toward.

ugh.

my neck is relieved,

the weight of my

head nestled

snugly in

soft

palms —

pressed into

the water,

i watch

what

lies

above me —

i am stuck in

my ways;

i fill my

lungs

slowly/

i suck in/

my skin rising

toward the

sky —

i’m steady,

but my

gaze

remains

glassy.

stop.

breathe.

don’t.

///

stop.

please.

don’t.

///

fuck

for someone who takes pride in being different i sure am desperate to fit in