unknown territory

I havent felt smile-for-no-reason, light-as-a-feather happy in a long, long time. My heart is racing, and it’s not at all from anxiety. Im so happy. Im so happy.


  1. My mom loves and supports me
  2. Brenna and Lucy are always there when I need them
  3. I have Shannon
  4. I am SAC Chair
  5. I am Laker Leader Chair
  6. I am learning how I am as a leader
  7. Katie Boyd looked me in the eyes today and said I did a good job
  8. I’m almost caught up on my work for once
  9. Nothing is looming over me
  10. I got a web tutor
  11. Cole and Tim are staying for the summer
  12. I just took a great shower
  14. I can breathe clearly
  15. My butt looks great today
  16. I spent the evening in bed watching Shameless and I dont feel ashamed
  17. I dont have any FOMO
  18. Songs make me happy again
  19. Parkhurst is almost over
  20. Easter is coming up
  21. Im on a great medication
  22. I dont have a headache
  23. Im positive looking forward
  24. Victoria is always a phone call away
  25. I can depend on myself
  26. I’m not drowning in Tim anymore
  27. I love my room
  28. I came to thunder just now
unknown territory

literally just rambling about boys

I fucked jj last night. Ive been fucking nuggett some but his dicks too big. I want Gene. Genes the first somewhat tangible guy who competes w tim in my head. Hes not tim status yet but he seems really great. Tim and i havent talked in a long while and i like it. I deleted his bros on insta finally over spring break. We didnt text or snap this break for the first time in a year but he snapped me when i got back to campus ironically. Still counts, tho. I ran to catch up to him the other day and i sink into him immediately. I sank into gene today too tho and i always sink into jj and tony. Nuggetts just nice but I can’t. Idk. Ive been going to the gym and im feeling better about my body. Im not especially twirly but i think im just using all these guys to fill the void tim left bc time hasnt been working fast enough. Fuck time, man.

literally just rambling about boys