I havent felt smile-for-no-reason, light-as-a-feather happy in a long, long time. My heart is racing, and it’s not at all from anxiety. Im so happy. Im so happy.

HERE ARE ALL THE REASONS I HAVE TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW:

1. My mom loves and supports me
2. Brenna and Lucy are always there when I need them
3. I have Shannon
4. I am SAC Chair
5. I am Laker Leader Chair
6. I am learning how I am as a leader
7. Katie Boyd looked me in the eyes today and said I did a good job
8. I’m almost caught up on my work for once
9. Nothing is looming over me
10. I got a web tutor
11. Cole and Tim are staying for the summer
12. I just took a great shower
13. JAY GOT INTO WVU
14. I can breathe clearly
15. My butt looks great today
16. I spent the evening in bed watching Shameless and I dont feel ashamed
17. I dont have any FOMO
18. Songs make me happy again
19. Parkhurst is almost over
20. Easter is coming up
21. Im on a great medication
22. I dont have a headache
23. Im positive looking forward
24. Victoria is always a phone call away
25. I can depend on myself
26. I’m not drowning in Tim anymore
27. I love my room
28. I came to thunder just now

I fucked jj last night. Ive been fucking nuggett some but his dicks too big. I want Gene. Genes the first somewhat tangible guy who competes w tim in my head. Hes not tim status yet but he seems really great. Tim and i havent talked in a long while and i like it. I deleted his bros on insta finally over spring break. We didnt text or snap this break for the first time in a year but he snapped me when i got back to campus ironically. Still counts, tho. I ran to catch up to him the other day and i sink into him immediately. I sank into gene today too tho and i always sink into jj and tony. Nuggetts just nice but I can’t. Idk. Ive been going to the gym and im feeling better about my body. Im not especially twirly but i think im just using all these guys to fill the void tim left bc time hasnt been working fast enough. Fuck time, man.