dont go backwards

for the love of God,

dont go backwards.

keep pushing forward.

keep trudging forward —

even when its lonely/

when its cold/

its unforgiving.

even when its lonely.

you’re doing great, and

you’re stronger than ever.

you’re ahead of where you were.

so, take




and for the love of God,

dont go backwards.

dont go backwards

wow that just slapped me across the face.

tim and i used to talk in the same way

dissecting things

discussing big life stuff

creating a comfortable space

curating art.

capricorns, man.



youre fine.

you used to do it all — youre not fragile.

youre not fragile.

put your nose to the grindstone for this week and next, and then you’ll be set!

you’ll have money.

you’ll have a set schedule.

you’ll have nights to go out.

you’ll have mornings to sleep in.

you’ll have time w vic.

you’ll have time alone.

you’ll have time to call mom and shannon and leah and

you’ll have time to smoke and shuffle and run and

you’ll have time to take baths and drive around and go on new adventures and meet new people and see new places and feel new things.

you’ll enjoy both your jobs.

you’ll have a great balance of being at work which you enjoy and home which you enjoy and

i can’t imagine much better.

just get through this week and next.

just be uncomfortable for a few days to be comfortable for the foreseeable future.

you got this.

the dust will settle.


put the suitcase away

i dont even think youre experiencing anxiety right now.

i think youre just so used to feeling anxiety after drinking or having sex that this is weird to you.

but its just taylor. its totally fine, seriously.

the worst thing that could come of that would be he doesnt think youre good in bed, which would not only be a tragedy but a lie.

youll have your chance again, im sure. and if you dont, then who cares? its just taylor.

hes super chill and youre super cool, so no worries. seriously — how cool? youre totally fine. you did nothing wrong. you had a fun night. you got closer to someone you like.

and thats cool. and theres nothing to unpack.

stop trying to unpack.

put the suitcase away

my goals for 6.30.19

1. be (generally) financially independent of my parents (phone plan; car payments)

2. be able to start paying back student loans

3. feel comfortable in my skin

4. have a handle on comfortable, nutritionally and happily sustainable, affordable daily food intake

5. be able to run a half marathon (and potentially be in the process of running one)

6. have a handle on recreational pen usage (still be fun; not a dependence; not invasive)

7. have seen 10 artists in LA (plus EDC!)

8. have gotten even closer with Victoria

9. have kept up with mom, Shan, and Leah

10. have maintained habit break

11. have made a group of friends

12. have written anything tangible. anything.

tim hadnt even crossed my mind until now

13. be ready to commit to the job search

14. still have restorative tub time


my goals for 6.30.19