im frustrated that im so broke and
im frustrated with my schedule and
im frustrated bc i dont know how to help myself
on one hand, i’m like
oh, yeah, no — keep wanting a job but not looking for one. thats a fucking great idea, dude. fucking A+ idea.
keep working a job that doesnt pay you enough. keep barely being able to pay rent. no, no — youre doing great, truly.
yeah no keep wasting time working at a coffee shop — thats good! its good to move to a city and not try to do what you moved to do!
and im like, ugh, what the fuck? do i owe it to myself to get a job at this point?
and then on the other im like
every 23 year old i know is legitimately freaking the fuck out over what they “should be” doing or what shit they “should have” in order
and theyre stuffing themselves into these salary jobs they dont enjoy bc they feel like they should have a job
or theyre forcing themselves through grad school bc they dont know what else to do and society is telling them they have to constantly be driving their lives forward
and im like, ugh, what the fuck? whats the rush? make the most of this time?
so, here i am.
stuck in this wave of anxiety that builds with the frustration of not having money or time when i want it and crashes with the defeat of not wanting to cut short this pocket of youth
and im like, ugh, what the fuck?
1. im not making enough money to do the things i want to do (!!!!!!!)
2. im wasting my mornings bc im sleeping too much (!!!!!!)
3. im working at night when the people in my life are free (!!!!!!)
4. i feel like im not doing what i came to LA to do (whatever the hell that is???) (!!!!!)
ugh, what the fuck?