yesterday was

hard; today

is alright.

i dont

really have

a lot of energy,

but i think

i just

have to

go for a run

and get out of my

head and focus on all

the things that are finally

going so well in my

life / bc things

are going

really,

really well

for, like, once

hahah and life is

super good even if im

shit broke and my

car died yesterday and

but thats just life —

it cant always

be an easy

ride, you

know?

life isnt that.

life aint easy.

life can be super

tough, and your brain

can be telling you

that you should

just lie in bed

and not do

anything

or feel

anything

or work to

help yourself

feel better.

but you keep

fkn going. you just

keep plugging

along and

working

to be

ok.

youre

okay, my

dude. youre

so okay. youre

going to be

okay no

matter

what.

///

today im

making the

choice to work

harder than

my mood

disorder.

im deciding

to enjoy today.

i mean, i

could

just

as

easily

dwell on

anxiety thats

rooted in

nothing and

make myself sick

by doing so and

feel bad for

myself

for

no real

reason —

do you ever

find yourself doing

that? do you ever, like,

start feeling sorry

for yourself

or start

a pity party

for yourself when

your problems really

arent anything

extraordinary —

sorry, but

your

problems

arent always

the end of the world.

count your blessings. be

happy and thankful

for what you

have —

focus on that

stuff. focus on the

good. turn off the Bon

Iver and put on

your favorite

album rn

and put on

some socks —

wacky ones if you

have them (and also

if you dont have wacky

socks then tbh what

the hell are you

doing w yr

life???)

but

anyway —

put on your

wackiest or coziest

socks and dance

around your

space or

just

get up

and stretch

and connect w

your body

or go

outside

and feel the

breeze even if

you live in LA and

the air kinda

smells like

feet —

or idk do

whatever it

is that makes you

feel like yourself. stop

the cycle. break the

cycle. what the

hell is worrying

about or dwelling on

something going

to do for you?

whats that

going to

do for you?

what the fuck

are you doing to

help yourself??? no

one knows how to

help you like u

know how to

help you.

you gotta help

yourself.

you have to

make that decision.

stop fkn pitying

yourself. start

living your

life. start

your

day. start

whatever you

want to start. just

decide to start.

get up, you.

get up,

rae.

just start.

get out of the

bath tub.

go for a run —

as long or as short

as you want.

just start.

give

yourself

today. thank

you for today.

///

today i

am tired

but im

choosing

to work on

bettering

myself.

///

and today?

today, i

am strong.