i stopped at this
very
rest
stop
once
a few years ago
when i was going
home after a
particularly
abusive
week
at mercyhurst
with some really
beautiful people
who were
toxic
for
me.
i pulled over
and sobbed/
cried/
my body shook
harder than
it ever
has
maybe even still.
i dont think ive ever cried as hard as i did in this parking lot 3 or 4 years ago —
time isnt important//
at least in this
instance.
i cried bc i just wanted to be loved.
i pulled over bc i couldnt see
the road
through my tears
and i didnt want to die —
i wasnt suicidal
yet.
i think that was the night i became it,
though.
and after that night
in this same parking lot
at this rest stop
i gained, like,
mega weight.
and i pushed my best friends away —
all two of them LMAO —
and i ran at the man who was
cutting
my
soul
deeper
than i ever thought possible.
but now i see
that he might never have meant to //
maybe
i was hurting myself.
we didnt communicate,
ever —
like, pretty sure not even once
were we on the same page
even though we
melted
together
like
fire
and
rain.
i dont think ill ever stop loving
my past loves
on some
level.
on some level,
mind you.
never in the way that i did —
that ship has sailed,
my dude.
forever.
get out of my face w
that
bullshit.
i have one love interest and thats it,
and i fiercely and firmly
defend those i love //
for the world to see //
for the world to hear //
for the world to love.
///
i walk my path
with ups and downs —
fuck; a lot of them,
but i do not walk alone.
couldnt.
wouldnt.
sure, i have —
or,
at least have felt like i have,
which,
if it feels that way then it is,
you know?
if it feels real
then its real
kinda
i think.
at least, for me.
thats my truth.
but im a heart type //
im a cancer.
im not a cancer —
GUYS, COME ON!!!
IM NOT CANCER TO THE WORLD!!!
all i want is love.
i love love.
thats it.
and i love art
and people
and psychology
and grammar
and religion
and astronomy
and the enneagram
and language
and light
and dark
and up
and down
and triangles
and tree rings
and all trings,
maybe.
i think i love everything in some way/
in one way/
or another.
except styrofoam.
and fast fashion.
and hate.
FUCK HATE.
FUCK YOU IF YOU SPREAD HATE.
FUCK YOU IF YOURE JEALOUS.
FUCK YOU IF YOU PUSH PEOPLE DOWN
TO GET AHEAD OR
TO GET HEAD — FUCK YOU IF YOU
RAPE PEOPLE.
FUCK YOU IF YOU RAPE.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK RAPE.
FUCK HATE.
just fuck you if youre fucking trash.
////
i can see the beauty in everything
and everyone — i promise; i can!!
im so pozzy.
for everyone.
im frfrf no doubt.
sorry i said fuck so much.
but also,
fuck you
if you dont like the word fuck.
i mean, sure —
dont say it.
cool.
cool cool cool.
idgaf what you do.
but fuck you if you try to tell me not to say
fuck.
fuck you if you look down on people.
fuck you if you ride a high horse.
get on my level, ya bushhel of hate.
fuck your hate.
my love will win.
love will always win
bc love is pure.
love is so pure.
and safe!!!!
love is safe!!!
and equal!!!
and true!!!
love can be you,
too,
if you just
mash/
grind/
SMEAR
HATE
INTO THE MF CARPET.
sorry i said fuck so much,
mom.
but also?
im not.
just sorry you read it,
i guess.
but also?
yw
////
FUCK HATE.
GO LIVERPOOL.
I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SPORTS.
OORAH.
