i fucking hate wordpress

fuck this

they say its easy to use but

theyre forking wrong —

maybe its easy for

some to use

but if its free

and available to everyone

then everyone should be

able to use it.

thats why i do voice memos

and pictures

and text

and im working on videos

bc everyone should

be able to at least

BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING THEY WANT

TO DO. THEY SHOULD AT LEAST

HAVE THE OPTION.

wordpress is hard for me to use

bc there are too many buttons —

its too cluttered for my mind.

i like simple.

i like streamlined.

i like geometry

even though i hate math —

no, i guess i dont hate it —

i just dont understand

numbers like i do words.

but anyway —

enough about me —

wordpress updated and its rlly hard

for me to use.

fuuuuck

i cant have too many options

when im running

and using one hand

and in mania.

mania and my

obsessive

compulsive

trings

make it hard for me to focus

sometimes — not all the time/

but, yeah, sometimes

it does. i just need a blank

moment/

page/

i just need to type

and be able to link —

i dont want all the bullshit.

i dont need it to look good.

i mean, i need to look good

for me

thats my prerogative

no doubt no doubt

for sure for sure

but this?

my blog?

the domain i bought?

this app needs to work for me

not the other way around.

FUCK this.

FUCK trings that dont WORK FOR WVEEYONE.

ease is attainable if we just wake up.

just wake up.

snap out of it.

check youre “neurotypical” fuckinguhhh

privileged ass self if you are

“neurotypical”

though i dont think that exists.

sure, that word exists,

but does neurotypical exist?

maybe.

if so, i havent met them.

i havent met neurotypical.

never in my life have i.

everyone. ive. ever. met.

has anxiety

at least.

at least.

and i say that twice bc my

obsessive compulsive trings

make me do it but bc

i want to, too.

bc i know what sounds good.

i know what looks good —

at least for me.

i know beauty.

god DAMMIt do i know beauty.

bc i see that in everyone, too.

dont you forkinf get it?

anxiety is beauty.

why do we paint them as separate?

as we learned from

um, fuck

ive never been good at remembering

the names of historical things.

you know what i mean —

separate but equal?

that wasnt

equal.

and fuck you if you say otherwise.

just literally fuck you if you

dont check your

mffinuh privilege.

your muffin privilege.

check whatever your privilege is.

what is it?

——

im waiting —–

and even in mania

i can be extremely

patient.

.

whats your muffin privilege?

good check.

ahahaha

wait i seriously

cant spell the word

privilege.

why do i keep wanting to put a D?

guess i love the D a lot

(i do)

(one D)

(not one direction)

(i mean im sure theyre great but i have no interest in listening to them and thats my prerogative)

(how can i spell prerogative and not privilege)

(why do brains work like this?)

(why does my brain work like this?)

(why does my brain work?)

(who gave me life?)

(my parents. equally)

(and my grandparents. equally)

(and everyone gives me life still)

(alone, i would be nothing)

FOMO used to kill me —

you can read back if youd like,

but thats a far ways away.

fork.

i need help w this website.

i need help to, like,

organize

it differently.

good check.

can anyone help me?

i have a lot of patience

but i dont have the ability

to sit there and code.

never have.

pete

knows that.

pete knows.

guess im going back to college, folks,

bc my AMAZINGLY TALENTED

coding/graphic design prof

is gonna teach me how

to make this site

work for me

(if he can)

(if hes free)

(thats his prerogative)

(also i cant spell prerogative

i just know its “prer” and then

my phone spells it hahahah

sorry had to come clean about that.

i mean, i could spell it —

i know how to —

but why do that work if my phone can?

why do the work of the phone?

i am no phone.

im rae.

im just rae.

well, stingrae666,

actually. Lorraine Pollock,

actually. and Lorrie Pollock, too,

but im also just rae.

and my pussys itchy bc

i NEED UNDERWEAR WTF

HELLO

i need help w my site —

organizing and managing —

and otherwise, probably hahah

and i need my damn logo, Tim,

where the fork are you, mmmy dude?

amiright, ladies?

where’s tim?

ugh. i need

a lot of help.

im getting help today at the psych ward

and im walking now and ill probably

work out w marissa later

and im walking w my

mom now even though

shes on the other side of the track.

we’ll meet up in time.

but rn my blog needs help —

just bc im in mania

doesnt mean

i cant work on my blog

and myself equally.

but all ive ever

been able to

actually do

is talk

HAHAHAH

EVERYONES PROBABLY LIKE

YEAH

RAE

THAT WE KNOW, MY BISH.

and i can write, too.

im a really good writer —

didnt you know?

what are u good at?

lets check that, too.

check your privilege

and check your power, too.

privilege//power

(god, i still cant spell that)

beauty//anxiety

and lets check a weakness, too

bc everyone has them.

heres mine today:

privilege/”have”/beauty: unconditional love

power/beauty: my strong thighs

weakness/beauty: mania/obsessive compulsive

trings/anxiety/headache

AND IM BROKE, TOO, BITCHES

IM SO BROKE HAHAHAHA

and yeah no my head

really really

forking hurts rn.

im done walking.

im done typing.

im prob not done posting

bc posting helps me think —

obviously —

but for now im done

bc mama needs some EGGS.

mama needs some eggs.

oorah.