im feeling
amazing
and so bright
and so s t r o n g
like a triangle
and true
like a me —
like ive always been —
but right now im
really tired, too.
i cant sleep.
my mania wont
let me down!!!!
i wont let
myself
down
i will never let myself down.
im goof
HAHAHAHA
OK SURE, yeah
im a GOOFFF
but im good, too.
im goofd.
im good.
im okay.
and ron is okay
bc i gave him
my blanket
and my blog
before i left
and SERIOUSLY
IM GONNA FREAK OUT
IF YOU DONT LISTEN
TO ME WHEN I SAY THIS
my blog means nothing
to me. this isnt for
clout. i hope you
can see that bc
i may talk to
myself and
say my
name
bc
its
MY
name
and my
name is rae
and i am so strong!!!
but im stronger WITH
you. i found my forever,
and i want that for everyone.
i want that for ron.
i want that for you, ron.
i wanna stan w anyone
whos ever been shot
once or four times
or whatever
bc
bones
C A N
B E A T
B U L L E T S.
and today, ron
taught me that.
he did that.
today,
ron,
TODAY YOU GET
A “U ROCK”
you get that
bc that psych place is pretty scary —
its cold and the chairs are itchy and the toilet seats are metal like
why the fuck are the toilet seats metal
like make them safe but
safe doesnt have to be metal.
safe can just be safe
and sensitive and forgiving —
wheres our forgiveness?
i want a normal toilet
seat even when
im in a
psych
ward.
even when im in the hell of my mind
i deserve a normal. fucking. toilet. seat.
SO DOES EVERYONE YOU ASS SHITS
WJAT DONT YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND —
a lot.
you great, beautiful, LOVING/
GIVING PEOPLE IN THE PSYCH WARD
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO —
SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU.
i cant remember all of your names
but i remember Mary’s bc
she treated me so kindly
and warmly and made
me feel okay.
bc i am okay.
im okay.
im okay and youre okay
and if everyone just stops for
a second and stops thinking
about themselves for once??
if we just listen to eqch other
and trust in the universe
and god and our families
and each other
and
love?
if we just trust?
in love?
if you just shUT THE FORK UP
AND TRUST ME ON THIS ONE
GUYS ITS NOT ABOUT ME
BUT RN IT IS BC I DESERVE
TIME AND LOVE TOO
JUST AS EQUALLY AS YOU DO —
shut up.
stop TALKING.
start LISTENING.
listen to yourself
and to others as equals.
we are all equal.
and FUCK YOU
IF YOU THINK
OTHERWISE.
////
ily guys.
i cant respond to everyone bc ive done a lot of emotional work already and i havent been able to sleep for a few days bc i miss my LA people and i just like fuck i really wish i was in LA but i cant be bc im still working through a lot
////
ily guys.
talk soon.
thank you to everyone reaching aht (sry im in pgh rn lmaooo yinzers n at)
thank you.
seriously.
for reading.
and caring about me.
thank you for caring.
about me.
i really care about you, too —
LIKE A LOT.
LIKE I LOVE YOU, MAN.
but im rlly tired so imma sleep
///
talk soon
stay close
youre okay
