and when mom and gaga got here
i thought that bc i have
all the answers
LMAOOOO IM JKJKJKJK
NO ONE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS —
not yet.
i mean, i have quite a few,
but we all have to learn
them together otherwise itll
be too much and we will
all fall down
////
oh, right —
but i thought i could
say “fuck” in front
of my mom and gaga —
no,
check yourself, rae —
tell the whole truth
bc the whole truth
helps us grow
stronger —
i thought i could say
“fuck”
to my mom and gaga —
and fuck me for that.
fuuuuck me for that.
they dont like me to say fuck,
and that makes sense.
that makes sense
for sure for sure.
i tried to shine
tooooooooo
brightly at first,
but now im
properly
and effectively —
w the help of my
family and ethan/
w the help of my
family
i am medicated,/
saved/
seen.
w the help of my
family?
i am protected,
and im MANAGING
MY FRIGGEN
INSAaaaAne
bipolar disorder.
bipolar beauty?
i have bipolar,
and i am beautiful.
and my OCD.
no — my obsessions
and compulsions.
and my disordered
eating bc [if u
havent noticed] i
definitely have that,
too.
and do u wanna know
what that is?
its cool.
its cool cool cool.
for sure for sure for sure.
yeah,
i have a lot.
i am a lot.
oh, and
i have IBS, too.
and im lactose intolerant —
like super lactose intolerant,
[@kelsey_marie_monk],
and i sweat a lot.
and idk if thats,
like, idk if sweating
is a “thing” really
but its a truth about
me and i felt like
writing it Ahahhaaaa
////::
i said “thing”
there bc i didnt
want to say
“problem”
“disorder”
“illness”
bc i dont like those words.
i dont really like
“thing” either,
but i dont always know
the right words to use.
i dont. not yet, anyway.
and thats okay!!!!!!
bc i am okay.
you are okay.
we are okay.
/////
my downstairs neighbors
are watching something
super fucking loud
like they always do
and sometimes it
doesnt bother me
but right now it
really is bc
im trying to
fucking think.
and even though
im listening to my
music and its p loud
bc i listen to music
rly loudly all the time
i can still be annoyed
at their noise.
i hate meaningless noise.
i hate it.
hm, guess i am still
capable of hate.
i hate when people
interrupt me when
they are uninvited.
hop off my cock, you
stupid thugs and
get your own space.
DO NO HARM AND
TAKE NO MFFF SHIT.
/////
rae, but also let ppl
do they mf thaaang.
for sure for sure for sure
but, like, holy fucking shit
turn your tv down!!!!
////
ugh. but if my neighbors
are hard of hearing
then maybe thats why
they always have the
volume up so loud.
ugh.
okay.
fuck.
idk on this one tbh, fam.
lmk yr thoughts here
if you have them
bc this picture
still isnt clear for me
and thats okay.
help!!!!!! meeee!!!!
MAYBE IF THEY DUDNT
HAVE THEIR FUCKINF
TV SO LOUD I COULD
THINK PROOWRL
PROPERLY JESUS
CHRIST WTF TURN
THAT SHIT DOWN
IM REALLY FUCKING
ANNOYED
/////
i mean, i could leave,
i guess. i guess i could
leave and walk away
when the noise is too
loud, buyuut this is
my apartment complex,
too. i have to learn to
be stronger than even
this super loud super
obNOXIOUS NOISE.
grow from this, rae.
grow from the noise.
grow. thats all we can do.
////
fr tho any insight would
be helpful bc im unhappy
rn bc the literal noise is
so annoying. its so
annoying.
its okay to be annoyed
sometimes so long as
you try to work through
why its annoying and
grow from it.
like, yeah im
annoyed now, but
ill learn to not be annoyed
later hopefully/probably/
definitely, right????
orrrr maybe we’ll always
be a little annoyed at the
noise
annoise
annoised at the noise?
maybe being annoyed isnt
productive bc that harbors
hate but being annoised is
okay bc that isnt a word
(yet)
and its gubberish
HAHAHAH GUB
GUB GUB —
gibberish,
and, yeah, gibberish
is gibberish but
i love to slam on my
keyboard sometimes
just to remind myself
that im capable of slamming
on my keyboard.
i like my strength.
no —
i love my strength.
i love myself.
(i love you, too!!!!
equally!!!
but im talking to
my sweet nectar self
rn!!!! bc i have to do
that, too, just like you
in order to grow and
learn and remember)
(i may not mention my love
for you every time i mention
myself. but its implied.
can we recognize that its
implied???? maybe not yet.
one day we will.
okay. but not yet.
ill keep saying it.
ill keep saying whatever
you guys need to hear
as many times as you
need to hear it in as many
ways as i possibly can
until you hear me.
ikikikik yr listening,
but listening is sometimes
different from hearing.
and thats okay!!!
so long as you
are working,
its okay.
youre okay.
im okay.
we’re okay.
/////
i guess i blocked out
the sound of their tv
for a sec bc that last one
flowed like water.
ughhhh ily, water.
////
im a sweater
im a fish
im a mfff stingrae
