and when mom and gaga got here

i thought that bc i have

all the answers

LMAOOOO IM JKJKJKJK

NO ONE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS —

not yet.

i mean, i have quite a few,

but we all have to learn

them together otherwise itll

be too much and we will

all fall down

////

oh, right —

but i thought i could

say “fuck” in front

of my mom and gaga —

no,

check yourself, rae —

tell the whole truth

bc the whole truth

helps us grow

stronger —

i thought i could say

“fuck”

to my mom and gaga —

and fuck me for that.

fuuuuck me for that.

they dont like me to say fuck,

and that makes sense.

that makes sense

for sure for sure.

i tried to shine

tooooooooo

brightly at first,

but now im

properly

and effectively —

w the help of my

family and ethan/

w the help of my

family

i am medicated,/

saved/

seen.

w the help of my

family?

i am protected,

and im MANAGING

MY FRIGGEN

INSAaaaAne

bipolar disorder.

bipolar beauty?

i have bipolar,

and i am beautiful.

and my OCD.

no — my obsessions

and compulsions.

and my disordered

eating bc [if u

havent noticed] i

definitely have that,

too.

and do u wanna know

what that is?

its cool.

its cool cool cool.

for sure for sure for sure.

yeah,

i have a lot.

i am a lot.

oh, and

i have IBS, too.

and im lactose intolerant —

like super lactose intolerant,

[@kelsey_marie_monk],

and i sweat a lot.

and idk if thats,

like, idk if sweating

is a “thing” really

but its a truth about

me and i felt like

writing it Ahahhaaaa

////::

i said “thing”

there bc i didnt

want to say

“problem”

“disorder”

“illness”

bc i dont like those words.

i dont really like

“thing” either,

but i dont always know

the right words to use.

i dont. not yet, anyway.

and thats okay!!!!!!

bc i am okay.

you are okay.

we are okay.

/////

my downstairs neighbors

are watching something

super fucking loud

like they always do

and sometimes it

doesnt bother me

but right now it

really is bc

im trying to

fucking think.

and even though

im listening to my

music and its p loud

bc i listen to music

rly loudly all the time

i can still be annoyed

at their noise.

i hate meaningless noise.

i hate it.

hm, guess i am still

capable of hate.

i hate when people

interrupt me when

they are uninvited.

hop off my cock, you

stupid thugs and

get your own space.

DO NO HARM AND

TAKE NO MFFF SHIT.

/////

rae, but also let ppl

do they mf thaaang.

for sure for sure for sure

but, like, holy fucking shit

turn your tv down!!!!

////

ugh. but if my neighbors

are hard of hearing

then maybe thats why

they always have the

volume up so loud.

ugh.

okay.

fuck.

idk on this one tbh, fam.

lmk yr thoughts here

if you have them

bc this picture

still isnt clear for me

and thats okay.

help!!!!!! meeee!!!!

MAYBE IF THEY DUDNT

HAVE THEIR FUCKINF

TV SO LOUD I COULD

THINK PROOWRL

PROPERLY JESUS

CHRIST WTF TURN

THAT SHIT DOWN

IM REALLY FUCKING

ANNOYED

/////

i mean, i could leave,

i guess. i guess i could

leave and walk away

when the noise is too

loud, buyuut this is

my apartment complex,

too. i have to learn to

be stronger than even

this super loud super

obNOXIOUS NOISE.

grow from this, rae.

grow from the noise.

grow. thats all we can do.

////

fr tho any insight would

be helpful bc im unhappy

rn bc the literal noise is

so annoying. its so

annoying.

its okay to be annoyed

sometimes so long as

you try to work through

why its annoying and

grow from it.

like, yeah im

annoyed now, but

ill learn to not be annoyed

later hopefully/probably/

definitely, right????

orrrr maybe we’ll always

be a little annoyed at the

noise

annoise

annoised at the noise?

maybe being annoyed isnt

productive bc that harbors

hate but being annoised is

okay bc that isnt a word

(yet)

and its gubberish

HAHAHAH GUB

GUB GUB —

gibberish,

and, yeah, gibberish

is gibberish but

i love to slam on my

keyboard sometimes

just to remind myself

that im capable of slamming

on my keyboard.

i like my strength.

no —

i love my strength.

i love myself.

(i love you, too!!!!

equally!!!

but im talking to

my sweet nectar self

rn!!!! bc i have to do

that, too, just like you

in order to grow and

learn and remember)

(i may not mention my love

for you every time i mention

myself. but its implied.

can we recognize that its

implied???? maybe not yet.

one day we will.

okay. but not yet.

ill keep saying it.

ill keep saying whatever

you guys need to hear

as many times as you

need to hear it in as many

ways as i possibly can

until you hear me.

ikikikik yr listening,

but listening is sometimes

different from hearing.

and thats okay!!!

so long as you

are working,

its okay.

youre okay.

im okay.

we’re okay.

/////

i guess i blocked out

the sound of their tv

for a sec bc that last one

flowed like water.

ughhhh ily, water.

////

im a sweater

im a fish

im a mfff stingrae