taylor called me condescending once.
no —
i’m sorry.
he said something i said was condescending —
there’s a difference.
but i couldn’t take criticism.
i never could.
it filled me with anger and doubt
in myself
and frustration
in myself
and fear
in myself
that i couldn’t “do” it
(even though i had no idea what “it” was)
people could see the bad in me
that i couldn’t see in myself.
and i knew that.
i always knew that on some level.
and i ran from it.
honey, i’m home.
/////////
but for me —
i couldn’t feel it,
so i didn’t actually know it.
fuck you, depression.
thank you, brain.
thank you, taylor.
you helped tap me in —
you made me think
so i could feel
so i could learn
so i could teach.
we’re going to change the world.
/////
i couldn’t feel it,
so i couldn’t see it.
i just told people,
“ugh, yeah, fuck.
i suck. i can’t take
criticism. i’m so
sensitive. i’m too
sensitive. i can’t
take criticism
don’t criticize me.
and i used that
as a crutch.
i used that.
and, hell —
did it use me.
life/
“the grind”/
whatever
you wanna call it
was using me
when i should have
been following
the light.
//////
CHANGE WHAT YOU
DON’T LIKE ABOUT
YOURSELF.
YOU CAN CHANGE.
‘YOU’RE NOT A TREE.”
///////
SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT,
TAYLOR.
i know you can and
i can’t wait to see you.