taylor called me condescending once.

no —

i’m sorry.

he said something i said was condescending —

there’s a difference.

but i couldn’t take criticism.

i never could.

it filled me with anger and doubt

in myself

and frustration

in myself

and fear

in myself

that i couldn’t “do” it

(even though i had no idea what “it” was)

people could see the bad in me

that i couldn’t see in myself.

and i knew that.

i always knew that on some level.

and i ran from it.

honey, i’m home.

/////////

but for me —

i couldn’t feel it,

so i didn’t actually know it.

fuck you, depression.

thank you, brain.

thank you, taylor.

you helped tap me in —

you made me think

so i could feel

so i could learn

so i could teach.

we’re going to change the world.

/////

i couldn’t feel it,

so i couldn’t see it.

i just told people,

“ugh, yeah, fuck.

i suck. i can’t take

criticism. i’m so

sensitive. i’m too

sensitive. i can’t

take criticism

don’t criticize me.

and i used that

as a crutch.

i used that.

and, hell —

did it use me.

life/

“the grind”/

whatever

you wanna call it

was using me

when i should have

been following

the light.

//////

CHANGE WHAT YOU

DON’T LIKE ABOUT

YOURSELF.

YOU CAN CHANGE.

‘YOU’RE NOT A TREE.”

///////

SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT,

TAYLOR.

i know you can and

i can’t wait to see you.