staying afloat

i woke up floating in a black pond of anxiety —

murky water already creeping to cover my mouth

and swallow my face.

the more i struggle to breathe,

the faster i sink.

i was floating just fine when i was asleep.

my heart is picking up speed —

im trying not to drown.

i dont see the shore.

where the fuck is the shore?

alrighty, rae. this past week, youve indulged on sleep, food, and weed. and now its time to restructure. nope, its not all or nothing, so lets find a balance. no crazy changes or limitations — lets just use this week to be better to myself.

attainable goals that dont stress me out:

1. get back on the healthy eating train (youre not far off!!). just do your best. start logging again and hold yourself 100% accountable.

2. try to run twice this week, and do a circuit. maybe a hike! get on a pair of fast and frees and shut your brain off for a little. learn more shuffle moves!

3. maybe hold off on the weed — weed makes you eat and sleep too much. its honestly not worth it. its seriously dumb how not worth it it is.

4. you have three days off this week. THREE. when was the last time you had three days off? we’re not going to sleep through them. apply to jobs. walk ventura. go outside. see goal 2.

all manageable. im proud of myself bc even though i woke up in the gray of anxiety, and theres nothing i can really do about that now, i can work on waking up in a healthier head space tomorrow and the next day. im growing as a person, and im striving to give myself the best chance at being happy. baby steps.

staying afloat

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