goin up goin down

im fragile. im constantly on the verge of tears. im very easily frustrated. im in my head more than usual. im sick to my stomach — i have no appetite. i have no desire to talk to anyone. i eat melatonin like candy. ive been smoking most nights.

my heart aches. my insides are slicked with numbness.

i get anxiety when i think about ending up alone while i actively hide from those who care about me.

im scared.

im not trying to fight.

im tired.

the thoughts dance around my mind again —

i havent missed them.

theyre very loud.

i didnt realize i was getting this bad

it happened quickly


i have to re-find my footing. i have to find pride in who i am again.

lets pull out all the stoppers

lets not be scared of what people will think

lets leave nothing behind.

im sick of living in the past

and living for other people.

i want a job.

i want to make the most of LA.

i want to be proud of who i am.

im tired.

im scared.

goin up goin down

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