i cant remember feeling at ease.

i cant remember my heart not pounding.

i cant remember when my brain was quiet

and my thoughts shut the fuck up.

i cant retreat into my mind without being assaulted.

i cant breathe without forcing air in and out.

i cant think.

i cant see.

i cant feel.

i know i’ll come back.

i have to fuCKING chill!!!!

its eating me alive —

why do i care so much?

i really like him.

i “really” “like” “him” —

do i, though?

i have no idea.

we flirted /

we laughed.

he definitely gets it,

and hes super cute,

but on a fundamental level,

we are different.

kissing him was fun,

and im glad i had the chance,

but that was all it was.

it was fun.

it was fun.

stop overthinking.

he was very nice.

i was very drunk.

and its okay!

you were surrounded by friends who are there for you

you were safe

everyone is okay.

no one is mad at you.

quiet your thoughts.

stop.

breathe.

breathe.

stop.

let it go.

dont think of the “what if”s

and be happy it happened.

hes a great guy,

and youre a great girl,

and you’ll be in touch.

im going to be sick.

im so on edge.

my head hurts.

im going to be sick.