this is the first time in a long time that ive been locked into my phone thinking of you.
i keep scrolling through your likes and her tweets out of habit. im lost. i feel sick.
my stomach is upset and my head is throbbing.
i dont know what to do with myself.
uncertainty.
are ken and i breaking up
am i prepared to be single
shan said i have to be in control, and i do. otherwise, i freak out. i jump ship. im totally in control now, and im not doing anything. i need people — extroverts — to force themselves into my schedule. if im left alone to do as i please, ill get some things done maybe, but ill sulk in silence in the dark wrestling with the sunken void in the pit of my being.
depression?
anxiety?
why am i not productive? why am i not driven?
i just dont care.
im confused.
im starting to freak out.
