i spent almost the entire day in my bed. i only smoked once. i was okay, though. i wasnt too riddled with anxiety. i wanted to make carrie proud of me. i have to keep working on it, definitely, but i think i can finish out these last seven weeks. i think there will be a lot of days when ill think i cant do it, but i think overall im going to make it through this.

i really think this anxiety will be dissolved (absolved??) after i get off this campus. i feel so much on display and im like comparing my every move to everyone elses/what college kids are “supposed to be doing.” idk why, but im pretty sure thats the difference between how im feeling now and how ive always kinda felt. i just gotta feel confident enough in myself to be able to do what i wanna do. i can do my own thing! this place is just fucking toxic and gets in my head.

god i hope i can be better after this. just seven more weeks. RAE. JUST SEVEN MORE WEEKS.