ive stopped smoking as much which is good. im still smoking like once a day but. 

last night was the first time id actually eaten in almost a week. ive been sleeping as much as possible so i wouldnt be hungry. i just desperately want to feel like myself again and this is the way ive always been able to do that. i really hiope my hair doesnt stsrt falling out six months from now. 

why do i feel such a strong need to be with people recently? ive never really been like this. i have such magnified anxiety now. am i an extrovert? im hyper sensitive to what people might be thinking of me when i should know better. i should know everyones so focused on themselves they dont think twice about me. thank god for that for the record. 

i hope this feeling goes away after i leave college. i need to get comfortable doing my own thing again. 

and even still, ppl ask me to hang out all the time. natalie. vince. shannon. idk but i ignore them and get angry for some reason? why? why am i so fucked UP?

im so sick w living w myself. 

i get to go home for fall break this wednesday. i cant wait. its just easier st home. i hope i dont start eating a lot – that part will be hard. 

im officially done w SAC. after the hockey game they gave me a cake and a bobble head and i couldnt even fake crying. i was so happy to get the f out of there. a year and a half doing a job i loved and it was ruined by the people i was most excited to work w. figures. i hope they sit on rake handles.

do i wanna do this “life” thing anymore?