the ugly duckling that might actually turn out to be just ugly

ive been up all night trying to once and for all figure out if im pretty or not. 

i swear all through high school and up until now in college i always thought i was decently pretty. like not breathtaking or anything but like i have a good base and not weird looking. 

and idk if its bc i put on weight but i think im starting to see myself as i really am?? like i try to see myself as others see me instead of subconsciously posing for the mirror every time i look at it. 

idk. so like im coping w the fact that i might not be pretty. and i think i outright refuse to accept that bc my personality is based on confidence and thinking im pretty. if im ugly and obnoxious thats not cute that’s annoying. 

i realize im shallow in even caring about this, but i think this is the basis of my identity crisis. bc at the end of the day i want a boy to think im weird and fun and pretty. and you cant be weird and fun and pretty if you arent pretty. 

have i missed all the signs telling me im not attractive??

my head hurts ive been staring at myself so intensely. i need an answer or im gonna go crazy. 

the ugly duckling that might actually turn out to be just ugly

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