and i feel more alone knowing people dont need me. 

you know?

or maybe they do but they dont ask – i do that all the time. i need someone/people/anyone, but i dont ask. i dont reach out to people. something makes me think that people really dont need me, though. 

it’s 2:36PM, and ive yet to get out of bed. 

i’ll remind you that im not experiencing depression, though. im really not – i know when i am. i just have no reason and no motivation to get out of bed if i dont have work or class.

do i not have a thick skin? i guess not. ive always been sensitive and proud of that sensitivity, but i guess i also thought i had a thick skin. i guess it doesnt work like that. 

i think im just really good at making myself miserable. 

i want to get into trail running. and i want to learn how to cook things. and i want to build a life for myself that i enjoy. i want to get away from people who doubt me or dont like me and i want to find those who believe in me. 

i think i need to grow up. everyone else seems to be able to follow their interests and be stable in themselves and have a group of friends. WHY CANT I?