im in a constant, constant state of not knowing. like i cant explain it. i just, like, dont know. anything.

i dont know how to help myself i dont know what i want i dont know what i should be doing i dont know who i am anymore i dont know what other people my age are doing i dont know if im gonna be okay. i dont know. 

and youre like “rae! you dont have to know all that! no one knows what they should be doing and it doesnt matter what other people are doing and you dont have to know who you are you just have to be yourself and youre definitely going to be okay.” and im like “YEAH OK GREAT EXCEPT NONE OF THAT IS ACTUALLY HELPFUL YOU ASSHOLE. THIS IS HOW IM FEELING AND I DONT LIKE IT AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.” and youre like “woah – do not yell at me. if you dont want my help then ill just be here for you to vent to” and im like ” GOOD. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT TO GET OUT OF TELLING YOU ALL THIS” 

so on and so forth. 

i think if i lose weight ill feel back to normal. funny thing about losing weight though is it SUCKS.