and just like that…

im done. 

done with him. done with being treated like this. done waiting. done giving him time to grow up. done giving him my time/love/support/energy/food/weed/brain power/help. done hoping he’ll wake up and see me for who i am. done changing myself for him. done doing things bc i have him in mind. done stalking his twitter. done stalking her insta. done wishing for the day we could be together. done pretending im okay when im riddled with anxiety. done lying to myself. done putting my friends second to him. done feeling pride when people talk about us. done crying over him. done with this anxiety thats encapsulated me for two years. done. im so, so done. im done.

im laughing bc its over. senior year is gonna be different – im not playing by anyone elses rules. im not looking to impress any one person. im looking to re-build and find what i lost. im gonna drink when and how much i want to when i want to. im going to wear what i want. im not following anyone elses rules or expectations. 

god – what a waste of a summer. one of my last summers. again i find myself regretting the time i spent with him. 

fuck this kid. seriously. i hope what im saying rings true come test time when he texts me or sees me on campus.