red hot

“i have a concussion you might have one too”

“hows vacation?”

“Tristyn wants to do blook club when you get back!”

“youre one of my best friends dont be a dick and ignore me”

vic said tim needs time to mature and that hit me across the face like a fucking pan if id been hit across the face by a fucking pan. id given him time, but he needs more. he needs to shape up and grow up if hes even going to have a shot w me. 

he snapped me vids of stingrays yesterday. still no text. and im starting not to care. 

i think shannon and i are going through a rough patch. i so wish i could be excited with her rn but also i wish she could have been present w me this weekend. give and take – thats what we’re good at, usually. 

Johnny came over the other day and felt what its like every day not having tim. he hated it and apologized for making me feel this exact way many moons ago when he ghosted me, which was comforting. maybe guys dont know. maybe my anxietys unusual and other people dont feel as much as i do so its only a me problem. something makes me think thats not true. 

i made myself so sick ive ended up back at home. i dont think its a bad thing, though, bc i might as well do it while i still can. while my parents are around and my brothers are home. 

i hope i dont have need to do this when im like 30. i hope ive figured my shit out by then.

i think ive concussed myself by yearning for tim and if thats not the realest shit

red hot

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