hard but easy

Mom and Drove up last night. I finally got sick enough that mom drove up here at 1AM. I felt so bad they had to put their lives on hold for me and that they slept on our awful couches but seeing them and having them here made it okay. Today and last night i was safe and okay and nothing could hurt me. And thats so special. I felt like a kid again and it’s exactly what i needed to get away. I love them both so much and im so lucky. I walked out of my front door and looked at the driveway and saw dads car and then i saw dad standing there and i just burst more into tears if thats even possible and ran to him saying thank you for coming and i hugged him as hard as i could. And i was safe and i was okay and nothing else mattered. And then i went to hug mom and i sank right into her and nothing could hurt me, not even my own brain. Today was i think one of the hardest days of my life, but here i am. Ive never felt so sick or detached from everything, including myself. I cant sleep or eat and its killing me. I love marc my psychiatrist and he gave me anxiety pills and im so excited to have them. What if they help? What if i can relax? I cant even imagine. Shannon left me smart food and that cool new water bottle ive been wanting literally the exact one idk how she found it and ginger ale and buncha crunch and the nicest note. And brenna and lucy got donuts and we just sat and talked. It was a hard day but i was loved every second and I never want to forget that.

hard but easy

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