the ugly truth

Im scared. Im so scared. And it took me rambling high to realize it. Im not myself on medication. Im not myself when im depressed. When am i me? Will i ever get better? If depression and anxiety arent situational then im stuck with it forever. What a curse. What a sick, twisted, fucked up thing. I remember when it was just body image problems and a wish for anorexia. How lucky i was. Ive always wanted to be sick and pitied. Always. Bc im seen as stronger if im “overcoming” things. Its sick. And i know that. But i dont need to make anything up bc what im overcoming is deadly and drowning and debilitating and wrong and unfair and suffocating and stupid. And i might never get out. And maybe i did it to myself. We’ll call it karma. Fine. But can i do this? Do i want to? I “run on a lower frequency” and im so scared bc i might never be normal or where i imagined myself to be with a husband and kiddo w white washed walls. Im so scared i cant function. Im so scared i cant calm my heart down and my foot wont stop tapping and i cant sleep. My ears are ringing. I cNt see [edit: I can’t see]

the ugly truth

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