youth & love

I dont think i should have to put my feelings and my mental health aside to try and keep a guy with me. Im too young to think tim could be the one. Im too stupid. Im pushing aside what i need to give him all of me, everything he needs to try and make him love me. try and make him stay with me. Im disrespecting myself and it hurts and i think im starting to think of myself as less. Im stronger when im single bc i confidently believe that i deserve the world. Cuz im fucking dope, and i do. And whats funny is now tim is used to me being idle and being there for him all the time. If i were more independent or more demanding or more whatever, he might fight for me more. He might be less vacant or even text me back more. If i put up more of a fight then he might give me more to fight for. But, also, hes pretty perfect w his eyes and his beard and his kisses and his sex and his brain and his kindness. So, i cant lose him. I wouldnt want to lose him if there was more i could do at some point in this relationship. I wouldnt want to regret not giving 150%. But also i dont want to look back and regret losing myself along the way, losing my backbone. So its just a waiting game. Hindsight is 20/20. I just cant imagine the idea of messing up. We’ll see

youth & love

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